TIFU
This happened today, November 11, 2018. An actual TIFU on TIFU.
Last Monday I lost my uncle, ST, suddenly. We were pretty close, as is all my family since we most of us have lived on the same family land for a little over 15 years. 100 yards any direction to a neighbor, and its all family.
ST and his son are HUGE hot rod, Harley, low rider guys heavily involved in a car club he was president of this chapter I think. Throughout the week, I had been in contact with my dad, grandpa, and uncle about what service was going to be done, and what they needed, if anything. The messege that I recieved for what time the service was "formal services are going to be Sunday at 1".
I'll have to back up here a bit and have a story time, inside a story time. I had been a horrible drunk for about 18 years. I am that country song. Lost my job, my wife, house, truck, step kids and grandkids. I had drank myself out of the houses and graces of everyone near me. They were tired of my constant jack-assery, vomit on the floor, and nearly weekly calls for an ambulance to take me took the hostipal either for pacraence flairs, or DT seizers. I couldn't stay in anyones house over night or even be inside if no one was home. They loved me but couldn't stand me so a consesus was made for me to live in a rarley used shed that was built some time in the 1950s, so that at least I would have a roof over my head even if it was just a corigated tin box with a wood stove in it.
For 4 years, I lived in this shed, 100 yards away from everyone, but what felt like a million miles away from anyone.
All of them, ST (uncle), my other uncle and aunt, father, and grandfather, would invite me over about once a week or more to feed me. Gave me food like lunch meat and bread. My ex wife was kind enough to buy me a used mini fridge and toaster oven, and grandfather gave me an old microwave. I had a radio making NPR my new best friend. I lean to the right so that was also a very strained relationship. They took care of me even when I couldn't, and for that I'm so eternally grateful.
I have now been sober for 1 year, 4 months, and 4 days. When I got sober, I got a job. My dad had a spare farm car (for those that don't know, a farm car or truck is one that is just a spare that sits around and is avaible if someone needs a spare for a few days) that he lets me drive, and that allowed to gain employment and move into the spare room that my new boss had for dirt cheap.
So things have been going well for the last 8 months, then my TIFU.
Again, the messege I got was "formal services are going to be Sunday at 1". And since my dad was still undecided, and I hadn't seen most of the family for 6 months, I went out a bought a suit. Nothing fancy, Wal-Mart special, but it still ran me a little over 100 bucks. Got up this morning, showered, and suited up.
That weather was cold and rainy so there weren't as many bikes as I thought there would be. When I pulled in, there was a lot of coats on but I could clearly see blue jeans. EVERYWHERE. Blues jeans and Harley-Davidson shirts. Car club uniforms. As I walked in, I thought "Man, am I the only one who wore a suit?"
Uh yep. I'm the only one in a suit. Tie, tie bar, black socks, and shiny shoes. I even wore black boxers.
I walked through talking with family, cousins I hadn't see in 10 years, an aunt I hadn't had a memory of other than pictures because I was so young. Explaning over and over agian: My Harley shirt is in the wash, or I thought it was better to be over dressed, than under dressed.
The day wasn't about me, it was about ST. Not once was my soberiety discussed although I was prepared assuming it would come up at some point in time. It didn't. Thankfully. Afterwards people were headed over to my cousin's house for a get together. I asked for his address, I didn't have it because I was a mess for so many years, I had no idea where my closest cousin lived.
"You gonna go change? You know ST never was into suits."
"Yea its on the way"
I get there and its what you might expect, house full of people talking quielty so loud I couldn't hear anyone. My near deaf in my right ear and the left is sub par. I finally got tired of struggling to hear conversations, and was tired so I told everyone I was headed out. On my way out my cousins wife is insisting I take food. That had ordered BBQ catering so even though I said no twice very kindly, I ended up giving in. And she gave me FOOD. 3 plates of food. And a big bag of buns.
Only slightly less embaressed than I had been earlier in the day, I leave.
I don't use my phone much when I'm out. Certainly don't while I drive, but when I got home I checked it. Facebook is not my friend. Apparently my suit didn't fit quite right (kinda), and I wasn't insistent enough at not taking free food because a lot of the talk is about me still be a drunk and trying to hide from my family. Since I don't have suit money or food money, I must be drinking again. I can assure you that I'm not. Wouldn't have made it if I was. Like my brother who didn't show, but its safe to assume he's passed out on his living room floor or something similar.
TL;DR Dressed in a suit for my uncles casual funeral and took a bunch of food afterwards making a lot of friends and family think I was trying to hard to look sober, and I haven't been eating because I don't have food money.
- Sorry guys, its late. I'm exhausted. Wanted to get it down and out there, I will edit spelling and stuff in the morning.
- Edit 1: added word 'Thankfully'
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